Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.
%
Frisbeetarianism, n.:
- The belief that when you die, your soul goes up the on roof and
+ The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
gets stuck.
%
Frobnicate, v.:
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
%
How doth the VAX's C compiler
Improve its object code.
so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--
that's all."
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
%
I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it.
might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not
otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
otherwise.'"
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
%
I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern. I realize that
the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
"Is that all?" asked Alice.
"That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
%
I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
-- Graffito in Los Angeles
Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave,
Enm^\bim'\bes sont les gougebosquex,
Et le m^\bomerade horgrave.
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
%
Iles's Law:
There is always an easier way to do it. When looking directly
The pepper when he pleases!
Wow! wow! wow!
- -- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"
+ -- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
%
Speak roughly to your little VAX,
And boot it when it crashes;
-- Benjamin Franklin.
%
The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog:
- The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
+ The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship,
his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of
time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."
- -- Lewis Carrol
+ -- Lewis Carroll
%
"You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers
That your lectures bore people to death.
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
- -- Lewis Carrol
+ -- Lewis Carroll
%
"You are old," said the youth, "and your programs don't run,
And there isn't one language you like;
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
Allow me to sell you a couple?"
- -- Lewis Carrol
+ -- Lewis Carroll
%
"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And make errors few people could bear;
Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"
- -- Lewis Carrol
+ -- Lewis Carroll
%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
%
%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%
-An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: if gets laid once; it gets
+An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
eaten once. It also has to come in a box with 11 others, and the only
person who will sit on its face is its mother.
%
... Seats 500.
%
-Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"
+Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"?
%
Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?
%
%
"God is big, so don't fuck with him."
%
-God isn't dead -- he's been busted
+God isn't dead -- he's been busted.
%
God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
%
%
Good day for water sports. Take a bath with a friend.
%
-Grain grows best in shit
+Grain grows best in shit.
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
%
Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.
processes is head is lost. All statements concerning this parrot is no
longer a going concern, after from now on, Inoperative...
- THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
+ THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
%
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest
in a yak.
gone some time ago). All we seem to have left now is muscle. We'll be
lucky to escape with our skins!"
%
-Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole
+Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole.
-- John Valby
%
Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
once was ... an arctic wilderness
-- Steve Martin
%
-I came; I saw; I fucked up
+I came; I saw; I fucked up.
%
I have a funny daddy
Who goes in and out with me
Of an ideal connection
Even if somewhat uncouth.
%
-"I own my own body, but I share"
+"I own my own body, but I share."
%
I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
Sibling revelry.
%
"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time
-someone writes `bible thumpers?'
+someone writes `bible thumpers?'"
-- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu
%
It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
citizens are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
-- Norman Cousins
%
-Physicists do it with charm
+Physicists do it with charm.
%
Politicians do it to everyone.
%
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
by lightning first.
%
-Q: How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your
+Q: How do you tell if an elephant has been making love in your
backyard?
A: If all your trashcan liners are missing ...
%
A: It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
%
Q: What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
-A: A cheese grater
+A: A cheese grater.
%
Q: What's Jewish foreplay?
A: Two hours of begging.
-- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
Preposterous Words
%
-Reagan can't _\ba_\bc_\bt either
+Reagan can't _\ba_\bc_\bt, either.
%
Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls? Only
sissies liked girls? What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
-And now she has athlete's fetus
+And now she has athlete's fetus.
%
Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
Whose virtue was largely a myth,
The Split-Atom Blues
Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
- Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline ...
+ Gimme jeans by Calvin Klein ...
But if you split those atoms fine,
Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine!
enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.
-- Henry Kissinger
%
-The United States Army;
+The United States Army:
194 years of proud service,
unhampered by progress.
%
%
There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
%
-"There is a God, but He drinks"
+"There is a God, but He drinks."
-- Blore
%
There once was a couple named Kelley,
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
%
-There once was a fiesty young terrier
+There once was a feisty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
He'd yip and he'd yap,
Then leap up and snap;
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
-Said "This won't be much of a sin."
+Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
%
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His father said, "Durcan!
Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
-Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.
+Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'."
%
There was a young lady from Maine
Who claimed she had men on her brain.
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau
- "Just look at me Joe
+ "Just look at me, Joe
I think I've discovered one more way."
%
There was a young man from Bel-Aire
Said, "Pray take my daughter!
Those birds are reserved for the dons."
%
-There was a young whore from kaloo
+There was a young whore from Kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
%
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
- He fell on his cutlass
+ He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
%
projects / openbsd / commitdiff