"Certainly," said man.
"Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
And He went away.
- -- Kurt Vonnegut, Between Time and Timbuktu"
-%
- In the morning, laughing, happy fish heads
- In the evening, floating in the soup.
-(chorus):
-Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads;
-Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
- You can ask them anything you want to.
- They won't answer; they can't talk.
-(chorus):
- I took a fish head out to see a movie,
- Didn't have to pay to get it in.
-(chorus):
- They can't play baseball; they don't wear sweaters;
- They aren't good dancers; they can't play drums.
-(chorus):
- Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappuccino in
- Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
-(chorus):
- Fishy!
-(chorus):
- -- Fish Heads
+ -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Between Time and Timbuktu"
%
In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially
announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency. During His press conference
%
Joan, the rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of
her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit
-the frist day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her
+the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her
way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly
begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her
stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
3. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
4. You don't have to let a beer win.
5. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to
- sleep with it beer, too.
+ sleep with it, too.
6. A beer helps with the housework.
7. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
8. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
"It's rough, it's tough, and it doesn't take shit from nobody."
%
A bather whose clothing was strewed
-By breezes that left her quite nude,
- Saw a man come along
- And, unless I am wrong,
-You expected this line to be lewd.
-%
-A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I'm quite wrong,
"Great!" was the reply. "But look what it did to my clamdigger!"
%
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
- But another, more sane,
- Shouted, "I'm a great dane "
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
-%
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree."
But another, more sane,
Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
With the aid of his constable's truncheon.
%
A broken-down harlot named Tupps
-Was heard to confess in her cups:
- "The height of my folly
- Was diddling a collie-
-But I got a nice price for the pups."
-%
-A broken-down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to confess in her cups:
"The height of my folly
Was fucking a collie --
"Just checking," replied his friend, crossing himself again,
"spectacles, testicles, wallet, pen."
%
-A cautious young fellow named Lodge
-Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
- When his date was strapped in,
- He committed a sin,
-Without even leaving his grodge.
-%
A cautious young fellow named Lodge,
Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
With his date all strapped in
Invented a jack-off machine.
On the twenty-third stroke
The fuckin' thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
-%
-A clever young man named Eugene
-Invented a jack-off machine.
- On the twenty-third stroke
- The goddam thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
+And beat both his balls to a cream.
%
A clitoris is a lot like Antarctica;
most men know it's there, but few really care.
But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.
%
A doctoral student from Buckingham
-Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
- But a dropout from paree
- Taught him Gamahuchee
-- so he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
-%
-A doctoral student from Buckingham
Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
But a dropout from paree
Taught him Gamahuchee
Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
%
A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
-Wished to foster an aura of menace;
- To make people afraid
- He wore gloves of grey suede
-And white footgear intended for tennis.
- -- Edward Gorey
-%
-A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
Wished to foster an aura of menace.
To make people afraid
He wore gloves of grey suede
projects / openbsd / commitdiff